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When you're invited somewhere
as "the guest," you really have a role to play, and it's an
active one, not a passive one. You're there to enjoy yourself, but
it's also up to you to make a positive contribution to the
gathering. Here are some rules to fall back on when you're not
sureBEFORE THE PARTYWhen you get a written or emailed
invitation, R.S.V.P. Those letters stand for the French
Respondez S'il Vous Plait which means "respond, if you please".
It's courteous to let your hosts know for meal planning,
seating arrangements, etc. Arrive 10-15 minutes after the
invitation time (but no later). This gives your hosts and/or hostess
those last few minutes to prepare. Different parts of the country
and different cultures handle time differently, but that's your
best bet unless you know otherwise.Check and see if children
are invited. If they aren't, it's not fair to just show up with
your kids saying you couldn't get a sitter. The hostess may not
have child-proofed her house, or may have sent her own children over
to the in-laws', or there may be a troublesome unfriendly dog in
the house. WHAT TO BRINGDon't arrive empty-handed.
Bring along a nice little gift with you-- a bottle of wine, a
bouquet of flowers, a packet of printed cocktail napkins, a little
inspirational book ... You can never go wrong when you do something
thoughtful. But don't bring food; that's your hosts' province for
the evening. It's always polite to ask "May I bring
something," if it's a dinner party. If they say "Yes," ask what
they'd like you to bring - meat dish, side, dish, dessert.
Once you're there, offer to help in the kitchen and offer
to help with the dishes. You may be told "no," but at least you
asked. PARTICIPATE!My Dad used to tell me "Don't
be a bump on a log!" Well, this applies to being a good guest.
It's up to YOU to make it a party. Talk to someone who's alone,
mix and mingle, make good conversation, do your part.
Introduce interesting topics of conversation - good movies
you've seen, places you've visited. If you're stuck, ask the
other person something - Do you have children? Did you get away over
the [holidays]? Have you read [the latest bestseller]? Where do you
work? Any of these questions will get the other person talking
about their favorite topic - them! You'd be the most popular person
at the party if that's all you did all night long!Help in
unobtrusive ways. Empty some ash trays, take abandoned dishes to the
kitchen, whisk your hosts' kid off to the bathroom, pass around a
plate of hot hors d'oeuvres. If you see something that needs doing,
quietly do it. Your hostess has her hands full! At one party I
gave, a candle caught fire in the den. I appreciated the guest
who put it out, removed the tablecloth, cleaned up the mess, and
then came and told me!ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN
ENDDon't overstay your welcome, no matter how much you're
enjoying yourself. Why? You had a nap, got your nails done, watched
the football game. They've been cooking and cleaning for days.
How do you know when it's time to go home? USE YOUR
INTUITION. You may've been told 2-5, or just "come around 8", but
your host and/or hostess will give off nonverbal signals when it's
time for you to go home. They yawn, suddenly get up, start fidgeting
and twisting, let the conversation lag, or even start doing the
dishes! Get a clue! SAY GOOD-BYE. Even if it's a large
gathering, seek out the host and/or hostess and tell them good bye,
and thank them! Send a written thank-you note afterwards.
It's just a nice thing to do. Being a good guest means
making a positive contribution to the gathering. And, oh yes,
don't forget to have fun, because that's catching and everyone
will appreciate it.
